The Barbarian's Mistress Page 22

  Then he started to wash the blood from himself. All the while she sat like a broken doll on the edge of the bed. When they were both clean and naked, he hid the bloodstained items under the bed. Even his sword, which he should have cleaned of blood so it didn’t rust, he just pushed under the bed.

  ‘It’s over now, sweetling. It’s over. You’re safe now. You’re safe.’ He lay with her head on his shoulder, and her body curled up against his side. She was shivering in shock.

  ‘I thought you were going to die,’ Lara said, after a few moments. ‘There were so many of them. I couldn’t believe you could take them all. I thought you were going to die!’

  She began to cry again, more softly this time, but just as heart-wrenchingly.

  ‘They weren’t fighters. They were a pack of weak dogs who used their numbers to take down prey. But they tried to take down the wrong prey this time. The only time I was at risk was when that last one had you. I might have been hurt taking him down if you hadn’t been so brave…’

  ‘I do…don’t even remember doing it. I…’ she gulped several times to try to speak more clearly. ‘I had the dagger in my my… hand and… and then it was in his thigh, right up to my fist and I could feel the hot blood spurting out onto my hand and my arm. I could smell it. Oh, my gods, I could almost taste it…’

  He shifted around so he could meet her gaze. Repugnance twisted her beautiful face into an ugly mask. With gentle fingers he stroked her cheek, trying to sooth away that look.

  ‘Don’t think about it, sweetling. You did what you had to do. You helped me save us. They would have left us both dead in that alley, if not for what we did. You know that, don’t you?’

  Her pupils were so large they made her irises look black. Her breathing was erratic, almost panting. Those doe-shaped eyes stared at him as if trying to make sense of his words. In shock, she was in shock. He’d seen it before. Experienced it before. He’d sat for hours on the bench of the longship, shaking like he was freezing, unable to think, unable to do anything but hold back the vomit. After his first and only battle.

  He’d killed many that day. But he’d always remember the face of the first man. That simple farmer had faced him with only a hoe in his hands. His face had been twisted with fury and fear. For young Vali, it had been just like Lara described it. He remembered clenching his sword, and then in the next instant, seeing it sticking out of the man’s gut, blood spraying everywhere. But he couldn’t remember making the thrust. The others that followed, he remembered. But not that first killing thrust.

  There’d been madness to that raid for him. A red haze had coated his vision. Toward the end, there was a girl, not much older than he was then, struggling to get away from him. Someone was laughing, telling him to take what was his due. Be a man. But by then the red haze was lifting, and he stared at the terrified girl as if seeing her for the first time. She had the biggest blue eyes he’d ever seen. Her long hair was white-gold like his own. Like his mother’s.

  And he let her go. Though his body was aroused, he let her go. The laughter of his uncles shamed him. But he let her go.

  There had only been one such raid for him. It was when they were carrying their plunder back to their home that the pirates had come upon them. Those motley bandits stole what they had taken, and took the lives of all the men. Only the boys and the new slaves were left alive. Only they weren’t worth killing.

  He shuddered. It had been a long time since he’d thought about that first raid. And it was a long time ago. So much had happened since then. But now he remembered it as if it were yesterday. That man coming at him with the hoe. The sword sticking out of his gut. The look on his face as he realised he was dying. Shocked, saddened, concerned for his loved ones. Then nothing. The life gone from his eyes.

  Killing would probably have come easily to him, had he been allowed to continue raiding. He might have even raped female victims, as was their way when their blood was up. But his life had taken a different path. And he realised with a shock, that the men in the alley tonight were the first he’d killed since that long ago day.

  It had been easier to kill when he couldn’t see their faces. It was easier having someone to fight for. But it wasn’t easy.

  And he was glad of that, though it probably marked him as a coward.

  His body shuddered again, this time with more intensity. He forced his mind from the blood and pain -- past and long past; forced his mind from images of his own cowardice, of images of what might have happened to Lara if he’d failed.

  He began to shake in earnest.

  Not good to think about… one step in front of the other… allow no thoughts beyond your next step…

  Lara lay on Vali’s damp chest listening to his steady heartbeat. It was all that was keeping her sane in that moment. She had to keep those memories at bay. She had to focus on what was important, what was now. Vali. Always Vali. He was her lode stone. He was what kept the darkness and fear at bay. His steady heartbeat brought her own under control, so their hearts beat in unison.

  She had almost lost him. It still seemed impossible that one man could cause such devastation. Up until that moment, she had thought of her Vali as a gentle man with a surplus of anger in his heart. But the controlled fury that flowed out of him as he took on those men told her he was much more than she could truly comprehend. How did a laughing youth, who wielded a stylus in her father’s office, get to wield a sword with such murderous precision?

  Val came from a world where raiding and killing were part of life. He was raised to it. And he’d just spent half a year learning more about the art of death in the ludus for gladiators. If he’d stayed longer he would have had to fight in the arena, maybe even killing for other’s entertainment. That was what he was bred for, what he was trained for. Not the life of a manager. Not the life of a bed slave. Killing.

  Through the numbing haze, she had watched him clean the blood from them both. He’d done it as dispassionately as he would have cleaned dirt from them. But it wasn’t dirt, it was life’s blood. And there had been so much of it. Even though it no longer covered her, she could smell it. Her nose wrinkled as she tried to drive the stench away.

  Vali had killed at least three men tonight, maybe more, and now he lay with her in his arms, as if it was any other night. His heart was beating steadily. Not yet asleep, but relaxed. Too relaxed for what had happened.

  Then she felt it, the tremor that ran through him, like the first earth quake at Pompeii. No more than a mild shudder. But then there was another. And another. Until his body shook like the ground around Vesuvius.

  He tried to draw her gently away, but she wouldn’t let him.

  ‘Let me up, sweetling. I… I need to move…’ His voice cracked on the last word so he couldn’t go on.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ She clung to him, frightened anew. Were there more threats she didn’t know about?

  ‘I… it’s just my body reacting to what just happened. It’s normal. I… haven’t killed for a long time. It’s just a reaction. I’ll be fine… Let me get up and move around. It’ll help.’

  Suddenly all her preconceived ideas about how he felt about killing were turned on their head. Vali wasn’t all right about it. He was shocked by it, just as she was. Trained and blooded he might have been, before tonight, but it was still not something he felt good about.

  ‘You don’t like what you did, do you?’ she said, letting go of him so he could get up. It felt like losing her lifeline when she was drowning. But she did what he asked of her. For him.

  ‘They would have raped and murdered you!’ His voice cracked again, as he rose quickly and began to pace their small room in agitated steps, his arms moving in an odd, disjointed fashion. Nothing like the graceful, purposeful strides he normally took, nothing like the elegant, deadly sweep of his sword as it severed a head.

  ‘But you didn’t like what you did.’ Not a question now. This time she said it with conviction.

  He slammed to a halt and jerke
d his head up to meet her gaze. ‘No. I didn’t like killing them. But I’d do it again in an instant if it meant saving you. Don’t you get it? Don’t you realise how close you came to… what happened to Ninia? But worse, much worse! I was fucking terrified for you. I came close to panicking, like some coward. Only knowing I was all that stood between you and that fate kept me strong.’

  Dropping to the side of the bed, he wrapped his arms around his head and began to rock, backwards and forwards. Shocked by his outburst, shocked by his physical reactions, Lara didn’t know what to say or do to make it right. How to sooth him as he had soothed her. Only moments ago, she’d condemned him in her own mind for being so accepting of death. Now she was overwhelmed by his emotions to it all. Her lifeline drifted further away, and she was left to keep herself afloat.

  From somewhere deep inside, she drew up what strength she had. Vali needed her. He’d fought for her, against impossible odds, and now he was suffering for it. She’d come close to losing him forever. If she could help him now, she would.

  With tentative fingers she began to stroke down the full length of his back, much as she had seen him do with their tired, edgy horses in the marsh so long ago. He didn’t pull away, but neither did he react to her touch. He continued to rock as she matched her gentle strokes to his movements.

  Finally, the rocking stilled, and he lifted his head. Turning like a dog to receive her touch, he nudged her hand up to his head. It was such a heartbreaking gesture, but she did as he required. She stroked his hair and his neck and his shoulders. Long, gentle strokes. Calming strokes. After a time, he turned his head and kissed the soft skin of her inner arm as it continued to move in its now hypnotic rhythm.

  Slowly, Lara leaned in and kissed his temple. Slowly, his head came up so she would kiss his cheek this time. She did just that, letting her lips linger on the smooth, hollowed planes. With infinite slowness he swivelled around so that he could comfortably place his mouth in alignment with hers. Asking for a kiss without words. No demands. He was asking for her love, some sign of her affection.

  Lara moved her lips over his, tasting him with the tip of her tongue. He didn’t respond. It was as if he was waiting, wanting more but unable to ask for it. She deepened the kiss as he always did, sucking in his plump, bottom lip and then releasing it. Then she took his top lip gently between her own so that slick skin slid across slick skin.

  Her hands came around to cup each side of his face. He seemed so incredibly fragile beneath her hands. Not the strong, hard lines of a warrior’s face now, but the soft, blurred features of a youth, unsure of himself. Unsure of her. His insecurities fostered her courage. She deepened the kiss further, asking for access to his mouth and receiving it. The surge of passion at his acceptance had her breath dragged from her lungs. Her hands began to tremble, her heartbeat battered at the inside of her chest. Not with fear this time, but with arousal.

  Her tongue met his and after a tentative moment, they began to dance. Weaving in and out, touching stroking, giving more. When he pushed her down on the bed she couldn’t contain the moan of pleasure. His kisses became more passionate, taking back control, leading them both on.

  ‘I almost lost you,’ he murmured into her mouth. ‘I wouldn’t have lived, if I’d lost you.’

  His words urged her higher. She felt the answering desperation. The answering fear that she might have lost him in those awful, violent minutes. But instead of expressing them, she chose to reassure him.

  ‘You didn’t. I’m still here. Safe. You kept me safe.’ Her words were delivered between kisses, each one meant to comfort him.

  ‘Just. Only just. Next time… we’ve got a whole world to cross, with all its dangers. I’m just one man…’

  She drew his face back so she could meet his eyes. They were dark with passion, fevered with need. ‘You’re more than one man. What you did tonight was the work of more than one man. I know you can keep me safe. I know it, and so did my father!’

  ‘Your father entrusted me with a comparatively short journey between Rome and Pompeii, not across the Empire. What if we meet pirates on the sea? What if a larger band a brigands attack us in Gaulia…’

  ‘You will do what you are trained to do, what that brilliant mind tells you to do. I am safer with you than in the hands of my mother. Never forget what the alternative is. I don’t.

  ‘The gods are protecting us, Vali. They got us out of Pompeii when so many others didn’t escape. They have given us smooth seas and safe conduct. Tonight is the first trouble we’ve hit since Pompeii, and you handled it easily. My love… you took on five armed men and won without injury to you or me!’

  He kissed her then. Deeply, fully, with such emotion she could hardly breathe for it. Then he was gently shifting over her, so his big body lay in the curve of her pelvis. The weight of him there ignited something primal inside her. All she wanted now was to be whole. And she needed him buried deep inside of her for that.

  She slid her hands between their bodies, feeling the hardness of his arousal in her hand, the quick buck it gave at her touch. He sucked in a deep breath and moaned. With untrained fingers, she drew him down so that his blunt head pressed against her weeping core. Never had she wanted anything as much as she wanted this. It felt like she had been waiting for four long years to be joined with him completely.

  But he didn’t press into her. Instead, he moved down her body, kissing and licking her skin as he went. When he found her nipple he sucked it in hard so that she jerked in a blissful mix of sharp pain and pleasure. She dug her nails into his back, urging him on, wanting more of that pressure that seemed connected directly to the deepest part of her. The part that felt so empty.

  His hand came up and cupped her other breast, kneading it until her body arched off the bed for more. With his other hand he pressed against her entrance and slowly slid one finger deep inside her. The moan she gave him was swallowed by his mouth. His finger was calloused, but her sheath was slick with moisture, if tight. After several strokes, he slipped a second finger inside her, stretching the flesh, preparing his way.

  He was going to do it. This time there would be no release from the pressures for either of them. This time they would come together fully, with nothing between them. The thought had her body responding in a rush of fluid.

  Moaning against her lips he said, ‘So wet for me, little sweetling. You drive me mad wanting you.’

  ‘Take me, Vali. I want you. I love you so much it hurts.’

  He drew his fingers out of her and shook his head as if coming to his senses. ‘No, I have to protect you from me as much as from anyone…don’t tempt me anymore, please. I’ll ease you. Let me ease you…’

  He began to kiss his way down her body, preparing to take her with his mouth. The thought excited her. She knew what pleasures awaited her there. But that wasn’t enough for her this time. They had come so close to losing each other. Somehow, she knew that the only way they could keep that fear at bay was to do more than just give each other release. They both needed more.

  Gripping his hair in her fists she dragged him back up so she could look him in the eye. He let her. But his twin pools of burning blue held determination, angry determination.

  ‘I am yours. You told that man tonight that no one takes what’s yours. I don’t ever want to belong to anyone but you. Take what’s yours. Take me!’ Her voice was loud to her ears, harsh with frustrated passion.

  For one long moment she thought he wouldn’t bend. Then his hand slid between their bodies, and he moved his hard length against her core. He began to gently but firmly press into her body.

  At last. She almost wept from the enormity of what he was giving her. ‘Only you. There will only ever be you, for me.’

  The pain, when it came was insignificant. She arched her back so that she could accommodate him more fully as he surged deeper. Tears stung her eyelids. Finally, it was done. His full length lay within her and she felt deliciously full. A fleeting thought of how they had ma
naged this anatomical feat was quickly washed away by a swell of intense pleasure, as his body began to move. One slow slide out, one slow slide in.

  Lara couldn’t hold back the groan of pleasure the movement gave her. She looked up into his face. Blonde hair fell across his flushed face, his eyes burned, his lips were drawn tight. There was no way she could read what he was feeling, so she gave up. Gave herself over to the sensations that were building inside her.

  No stranger to building that pleasurable tension now, she relaxed into it, matching her movements to his. To get him deeper, she locked her legs around his thighs, curving her hips up. His gasp of pleasure told her she was doing something right. On and on he went, getting faster and harder with each stroke. His forehead was drenched with sweat, his breath coming in gasps, just as hers came in gasps. The heat between them was like fire.

  Each time he rammed home she came closer and closer. This was different to when he used his mouth on her. This was more. She struggled for something, reached for it with all she was. Nothing existed but their bodies moving in punishing unison, driving them both harder and higher until she knew it was close. She knew it was time. And with the next deep jab her body ignited, and she flew off into a million bright sparkling pieces, like stars exploding in the dark sky.

  She called his name like a prayer. And he answered her with a deep, guttural groan, as he followed her over. His hot seed flooding her, sent her over into another white-hot explosion before the last had subsided. Bucking against him, completely out of control, she drove them both harder, until Vali’s body slowed and he slumped down onto her, burying his head in her hair.

  ‘Sorry,’ he muttered when he could draw breath again. He drew his length from inside her.

  Lara stiffened. ‘What for?’

  ‘Being the animal I am.’ His voice was heavy with self-loathing and defeat.